Future with YOUTUBE!!!
Jan 21, 2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogy8AOenYo0

hey everybody welcome back to my channel
and if you're new welcome to my channel
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also when I go live I want to thank all
of my new subscribers that have been
joining my channel I so appreciate each
and every one of you guys for being here
investing your time on me and this
channel and my journey so I just wanted
to stop really quick and say thank you
so much I truly truly appreciate the
support and the wonderful encouragement
that I'm getting from each and every one
of you guys um so I haven't posted a
video for a couple of days and reason
being is because I've been kind of just
kind of going through something and what
I say going through something
it's nothing in particular other than
just emotionally I'm just battling
myself right now I think that that comes
natural with when you're breaking you
know when you're breaking habits and
changing things and taking things out
and putting things in to your life that
you haven't done for a long time or
maybe not ever you find yourself losing
what you thought was your best friend
and when something is hurting me
emotionally I could turn to my food and
it would always be there for me and it
would always comfort me it may not have
even made me feel very comfortable but
it still was there and it was my comfort
I knew I could grip onto that and I knew
that it was always going to be there so
for me now not using my food as my
comfort but I'm still going through some
very emotional things it's hard to not
turn towards that one thing that I
always did but when you hear so
like say that it probably to some people
may sound a little silly like really
you're kind of getting emotional about
food and the answer is yes I am and it's
not just about the food it's a situation
that I am working on that I don't have
my food to land back to so I had went to
counseling today I well I took a couple
of days off from YouTube and I I really
took that time to just you know kind of
just be with myself you know I didn't
want the responsibility of recording for
a couple of days I didn't want the
responsibility to to really do anything
when it came to becoming healthier and
I'm not saying to not be held
accountable per se as I just didn't want
to be a part of it right then which of
course isn't an answer you know when I
started this journey I started this
journey for a life change and I know
that but it's still there's still
emotional situations that I will go
through in this journey that I will hit
up against that I have to understand
that the food is not going to be there
to come for me anymore
I need to find something that is better
suited for that so I went to counseling
today and my counseling session was a
really good session first of all I just
wanted to say that I did excuse me I
keep having to pause my video because I
am sneezing I don't know what is going
on but I'm not sick I'm just amazing
anyways I just wanted to put it out
there that I have gotten back in contact
with my a nutritionist a licen
nutritionist at that this person is
something and someone that I think is
going to work for me because they have
the same they have the same vision as I
do and that is going to make a
big difference so I'm really excited to
say that I have gotten in touch with
somebody that I have an appointment with
that I will be meeting with but for
right now until I do that I'm just kind
of you know doing what I've been doing
for a while
so anyways but I did have my doctor our
my counseling appointment today and it
was a really good session we talked a
lot about YouTube and where YouTube is a
priority in my life and when we first
started talking you know I talked to her
about like the negative comments and the
negativity that you know I am drawn to
look at and read and because I am
looking for validation from everybody on
YouTube I'm looking for everybody to be
like oh my gosh would do an amazing job
Amy
you're doing great your channel is an
amazing channel you know constantly
uplifting and positivity validation
rather than knowing there's going to be
negative criticism out there and then
there's gonna be people with a very
strong opinion and they want to share
their opinion and I may not agree with
it but it's still going to hit me as a
[Music]
as an attack I guess you would say like
something personal because they're
saying something about my channel and so
I told my counselor jazz-like you know
if I really stuff I really stop and
think about it you know YouTube it's
been a very important thing to me I
always and I think that's just my
personality
that I always look for validation I
always want people to be proud of me I
want to always please people and do as
they want me to do and when I feel like
I'm letting somebody down I seriously
take it very very very very personal and
I can't do that I can't always worry
about what I'm gonna make but you know
as I sit here and I really think about
it
that's not a healthy thing for obvious
that I you know I have to understand
that it's not my job to please everybody
like that's just never going to happen I
have to make sure that I remember that I
come first I have to put my needs before
anything because if I don't focus on
myself and I am just focused on
everybody and what their you know
opinion is and their suggestions are if
I only worry about that then I'm totally
not going to pay attention to what needs
to be paid attention to about myself and
you know I told her that I find myself
watching a lot of criticizing review
channels about me and you know I told
her I said you know I get and I and I
read a lot of the comments and I told
her I said I don't know why I'm just so
drawn to it and I said but I am like I
am always watching them and then it
hurts me when I see that they're talking
negative about me are poking fun at me
or making me sound like a joke and I
need to learn that I don't have to put
myself through that that I'm okay to
stay off of those things and so we set
up some guidelines like some boundaries
because you know I kind of I hit a wall
on I'll say Friday I hit a wall and I
was just bawling and I was like I don't
think I can continue doing YouTube I was
like honestly I think that it has gotten
me to the point where I think I'm gonna
have to shut my my YouTube channel down
like it's not worth my mental health
it's not worth my happiness it's not
worth my life because I'm so focused on
all of this I was like you know I think
it's going to have to be a call that I
have to make that I don't want to but
I'm gonna have to but
you know and Ollie was like we'll just
sleep on it honey and see you know I
mean he's like I'll support you either
way if you don't want to do YouTube you
don't have to do YouTube if you want to
do YouTube look at it as a you know as a
hobby you don't have to look at it as a
job because it's not a job I mean yes
YouTube can be a job not saying that but
you too can also be a hobby it doesn't
have to be something that is made out to
be this like thing that has to happen
every single day or whatever you know
and I totally enjoy doing YouTube I
enjoy sharing about my life I enjoy
getting to know new people I have
created a lot of relationships even on
this channel and I don't want to give
all of that up I really don't so I
talked to my counselor about it today
and we made an agreement like you know I
made the agreement with myself that
there's gonna be some boundaries set up
for myself to protect myself one is I'm
not gonna be reading in the comments
right now I don't think that I need to I
know there's a lot of positive comments
out there and I appreciate them I'm not
shutting my comment section off I think
it's nice that people want to make a
comment and they can intertwine their
comments together and you know discuss
things I just would pray that people
would be kind in the comments but I know
that that's not happening but I don't
think I am at a place right now
emotionally reading the comments would
really help me right now I really don't
um I know that people have an opinion
about me and that's okay again
everybody's allowed to have an opinion I
think sometimes people's opinions should
be kept to themselves if it's one that
could hurt cause hurt but not everybody
believes that some people believe like
hey no you know you should know this you
should hear this um and some I should
you know I'm not saying all negative
comments are bad I'm not saying I need
to be but patted you know I'm not saying
that I'm just saying like the ones that
are downright just ugly and me
and saying that I need to die and I
should kill myself or you know that type
of stuff it's just crazy it really is
but again it is what it is
like I know when I signed up for this
that I'm putting my life out there I'm
putting my life out there for people to
have an opinion and they're going to
form one just the way that they want to
whether it's a good opinion a bad
opinion one that doesn't really matter
but to protect my own emotional mind at
this moment in my heart I have to say
that I don't want to read the comments
right now that I would totally be happy
to you know invest in if somebody wants
to email me I can email back sometimes I
take a few days but I try to get
everybody back you know or you reach me
on different platforms of social media
things like that but I just think that
right now for my own safety net not
reading the comments would be a smart
move on my behalf another thing is I
should really honest to god stay off of
the reaction channels I think that going
on the reaction channels is setting me
up to feel like I have to defend myself
or that I have to make a video to prove
that I'm not this person that people are
putting me out to be or whatever it is
so instead of doing that
and focusing on that I should continue
to just keep focusing on my journey what
I'm doing what I'm planning to do where
my goals are and focus on only that and
people are going to put their pinyin out
there there's nothing I'm gonna say to
change their opinion so why put myself
in that situation to watch a video that
I feel like I'm entitled to react back
to and I understand that that is where I
think I take a lot of my time in my
efforts is constantly trying to prove
myself to people and if I have to
myself more than just what I share on my
channel think clearly I'm gonna be
sharing till I'm blue in the face and
it's still gonna be you're still
worthless you're not doing it right
you're lying you're this you're that and
everything else so just just know that
the comments section is going to be I'm
not taking it off
I'm just not personally going to be
reading it I may go through and skim
through them once in a while and if I do
I'll make sure to heart them so you know
that I've read them but also staying off
of the reaction channels I think is
gonna be my biggest thing for right now
when it comes to me and you know those
reactions also I think another very
important thing too is setting a
boundary of a time limit on YouTube you
know it's easy in this day and age you
carry your phone all the time you've got
pure access to YouTube to all social
media platforms right from the palm of
your hand and so it's easy to click on
it even if you're doing dishes it's easy
just to push on it set your phone aside
and sit and listen to what's going on or
you know whatever but I think that it's
important for me to set those boundaries
of time limits that I am allowed to be
on YouTube so that I don't find myself
preoccupied on YouTube throughout the
day all day even if it's like 5 minutes
here 10 minutes there 5 minutes here it
adds up and that's more time that I'm
investing on things that I can't change
that I should be investing on things
that I can change and making a not just
healthy situation for my body but also
with my mental health because that has
declined in the last few weeks because I
have been so focused on negativity it's
taking me into a very dark so you know a
dark space and I don't want to be there
I don't want to be in this dark place
where you know it just was very very
very dark and you know at times kind of
scary and that's not where I want to be
and I don't want YouTube to be the
culprit of that because
if that's the case then I'm the one
that's doing it to myself because
YouTube's always going to be there but I
am the one that's in charge of how I'm
going to allow that to affect me and
that's kind of where I'm at today is
just where I personally am going to
allow YouTube to to fall in my my lap am
I going to allow YouTube to rule my
entire life and to take my entire day up
or am I gonna say you know what no I've
got other pride you know preoccupied or
I have other things that I'm taking
priorities that I'm taking care of I've
got other commitments that I need to
deal with I can't deal with YouTube 24/7
so here are my time limits this is what
I'm allowed to be on this is what I'm
gonna be off and that's it I don't need
to share all of that because I think
those are things that I should probably
keep to myself on my time limits because
I think that that's something that I
need to really respect and I think that
that's something that would be important
to work on before I went and I shared it
but I definitely am going to be setting
time limits for YouTube so that I'm not
finding myself all day just even if it's
just for a few seconds clicking on just
to see what you know whose live or who's
this or who's that or who's saying this
and who's saying that you know it's just
it I don't need to do that
I really don't I've got so many other
things to do so I just you know I know
this week has been a rough week I
and when I say rough week from last
Wednesday to almost this Wednesday I can
honestly say it's just been a really
tough week for me in the whole
validation department and feeling like I
am validated no matter what because I'm
validating myself you know I I don't I'm
I'm trying to think how to say this I
don't give up easy I don't and that's
why I'm willing to fight for my channel
and I'm willing to stay on YouTube and
continue
to grow my channel because I see there's
potential there and I know that there's
potential in my healthy eating lifestyle
my weight loss and everything else am I
gonna hit speed bumps absolutely because
it's just life you know but I have to
also remind myself in reality you know
my channels not just gonna be come
overnight this perfect channel it's not
gonna grow thousands and thousands and
thousands in a week you know it is what
it is in life revolves and as its
evolving I am evolving you know and I'm
growing into it with it and so you know
tonight I am proud to say that I went
back to my accountability group that
I've been a part of for a couple weeks
now and I really was able to plug in
again and you know chat with some of the
people on you know on the side chat and
you know get some good advice and some
encouragement and that's what I need to
be doing as getting encouragement and
plugging into positivity more so than
looking for the negativity so anyways I
know this video is kind of a rambling
video but I just kind of get wanted to
give you guys an update on my week where
I'm kind of out right now and you know I
I'm not giving up I'm not you know I
know this week's been a rough week I
don't know what the scales gonna say and
what quite frankly right now I'm not
worried about that
all I am worried about is getting
through each day focusing on every day
as its own taking on every day with its
own challenges and that's it you know
every day is a new day and every day
comes with its own problems and so as I
go out of a day I leave those behind and
I pick up from the next day go figure
so anyways I hope you guys have a
wonderful wonderful wonderful start to
your guyses week in his Monday it's been
a great day for me I had counselling I
had my talk with my nutritionist plus I
got my accountability group it was a
good day all around
so anyways
I hope again you guys have a wonderful
star chair guys this week a blessed
evening and I will talk to you guys
again real soon bye